Archive for the ‘From the Inbox’ Category

OAPs having fun

February 20th, 2008 No comments

Parking Ticket (from iStockPhoto)From the Inbox:

“Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.

We were only in there for about 5 minutes but when we came out there was a warden writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and said, ‘Come on mate, how about giving an OAP a break?’

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.

So my wife called him a s**t-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn’t care. We came into town by bus.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired, it’s important at our age.”

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The Scottish Biscuits

January 30th, 2008 No comments

An elderly Scotsman lay dying in his bed.

While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite biscuits wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.

With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite biscuits, freshly baked.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Scottish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in crumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a biscuit at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a spatula…..

‘F**k off’ she said, ‘they’re for the funeral.’

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Stork Theory

October 28th, 2007 No comments

Love this one…

from the Institute for Stork Research and Science
Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children: the theory of Sexual reproduction, and the theory of the stork. Many people believe in the theory of sexual reproduction because they have been taught this theory at school. In reality, however, many of the world’s leading scientists are in favour of the theory of the stork. If the theory of sexual reproduction is taught in schools, it must only be taught as a theory and not as the truth. Alternative theories, such as the theory of the stork, must also be taught.

Evidence supporting the theory of the stork includes the following:

  1. It is a scientifically established fact that the stork does exist. This can be confirmed by every ornithologist.
  2. The alleged human fetal development contains several features that the theory of sexual reproduction is unable to explain.
  3. The theory of sexual reproduction implies that a child is approximately nine months old at birth. This is an absurd claim. Everyone knows that a newborn child is newborn.
  4. According to the theory of sexual reproduction, children are a result of sexual intercourse. There are, however, several well documented cases where sexual intercourse has not led to the birth of a child.
  5. Statistical studies in the Netherlands have indicated a positive correlation between the birth rate and the number of storks. Both are decreasing.
  6. The theory of the stork can be investigated by rigorous scientific methods. The only assumption involved is that children are delivered by the stork.
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Not so Tricky Maths Trick

June 13th, 2007 No comments

Got this email circulating this morning:

Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you.

Well firstly, this has obviously come from America, since maths has been spelt without the ‘s’.

Personally I would like to know who came up with this and why that person is not running the country.

err… why? It’s hardly rocket science.

Grab a calculator. (You won’t be able to do this one in your Head)

A sign of a failing education system

I think this only works with 7 digit (e.g. 123 4567 – area code excluded) landline numbers.

Not surprising when you see how this works.

Now for the so called clever bit of maths:

1. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the Area code)
2. Multiply by 80
3. Add 1
4. Multiply by 250
5. Add to this the last 4 digits of your phone number
6. Add to this the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
7. Subtract 250
8. Divide number by 2

Do you recognize the answer ??

Of course you do, it’s your phone number.

If the first 3 digits of your phone number are x, and the last four digits are y, then this calculation can be represented as:

(250(80x + 1) + 2y – 250)/2

which simplifies to:

10000x + y

so basically:

1230000 + 4567 = 1234567

Surprise, surprise

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